Questions to Ask Before Marriage

The questions worth asking before marriage fall into four areas: faith and practice, family expectations, finances, and life goals. Asking them directly, before you're committed, tells you more than how compatible you seem on paper.

Faith and practice

• How does their day-to-day practice compare to how they describe their faith?
• What role do they expect faith to play in raising children?
• How do they handle disagreement on religious matters within a household?

Family expectations

• What role do they expect their parents or in-laws to play after marriage?
• Where do they expect to live: near family, or independently?
• How do they typically handle conflict between a spouse and their own family?

Finances

• What does their financial situation actually look like: income, debt, savings?
• Do they expect one household income, or two?
• How do they want major financial decisions made, jointly or by one person?

Life goals

• How many children, if any, do they want, and when?
• What are their career plans over the next five to ten years?
• What would they consider a dealbreaker in a marriage, and why?

Pay attention not only to the answers but to how someone responds to being asked. See red flags and green flags for what that can tell you. If you're already in the engagement period, see khitbah and engagement etiquette.